Glaswood

Like my spin on Hollywood? No? It was a pretty crap attempt really eh? My reason for the film reference is because the center of our home City has turned into a whopping great film set! Oh yes Mr Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are staying here this next week or so for his new movie Z something or another. Thats not the actual name it does have the letter Z though...

Our streets turned into Philadelphia 

Taxi!

Stop

Carnage

So I have yet to see Mr Pitt yet but tbh I am more of a Jolie fan... 

In other star spotting news I attended my mums gym and Billy Boyd was in our power yoga class. The class at my mums gym was okay but the aircon was left on and it was bloody freezing. My usual Sunday class was great as the teacher got out this big bag and emptied it on the floor it was all these pretty shells for us to meditate on. The child in me was like 'coooool' and after meditation I felt really good and had yet another great sleep. Cheers yoga!

Another magic muffin from Sarah :)

In other news this moving malarky is stressful and I have my first ever half marathon in 10 days. I have covered 15 miles before so I am not concerned about the actual distance but due to my good 10k time I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to get another good time. If I ran my 10k pace for the half then I'm pretty sure I'd fall down mid way through. It doesn't help that I feel a lot of pressure from fellow gym people not just with running but in general. People constantly congratulate me on my over exercising I feel encouraged all the time and like I am actually good at something. Its like a sense of achievement, a purpose and makes me feel like I'm not a waste of space. On the other hand though I am at risk of running myself literally into the ground. If I take a day off people get all 'Where have you been? Slacking off?' which ignites any guilt I already carried or the kinder ones say 'WELL DONE' like taking one day off makes everything okay again when really I feel continually trapped. Sometimes I despise exercise because I'm so exhausted but I do love it at the same time. Its such a twisted web and I'm in this cycle that has become increasingly worse this past month or two. I feel like whatever I do is never enough but understand its also too much. Others never say the right thing and I have no control over that and I have no idea what would make me feel good. Mm! I can feel myself going off on a tangent so I'll stop rambling for now because it doesn't make sense in my own head never mind trying to make anyone else understand...

There is 5 more days of filming in Glasgow so there is a possibility I'll run into a Hollywood star over the weekend. The remainder of the weekend will involve packing, tidying and feeling pretty displaced in among removal boxes. Argh!

Love

A Daisy Chain Dream

As part of NEDA I spoke to my dear friend Laura who agreed to share her story about he ED. 

Describe your eating disorder and how you think it started? 


It started with a "diet" when I was 15, I was obese to start with and lost a lot of weight, eating very little rapidly but because I was large to start with people really did assume it was a diet, or I was losing puppy fat. It took me a couple of years of restricting to varying degrees to realise it was a problem and there were periods of a semi recovery during that. Things really spiralled when I was 17, I experienced other mental health problems and fell in to a spiral of impuslive behaviours, including Bulimia. Two years on for that I after several medical admissions I went in to IP treatment and beat the Bulimia and again, had some kind of semi recovery, went to college and lived a bit. Toward the end of 2009 I was feeling lost and out of control and Anorexia crept in again, at it's worst, I think out of all the years, eventually leading to another IP. But out of all of this, the root cause?! I still don't know.

Were you aware you had a problem?


 I think semi aware, because I was eating so much less than my friends and experiencing skewed thought patterns but I was very much in denial, it wasn't until a few years later that I "came clean" both to others and myself.

Do you feel you were given support? 


When I asked for it, yes. I've been very fortunate in the support I've had from my family and friends, and for the most part, professionally. It's hit and miss with the NHS and it seems to come in fits and starts, but when it's there the support has been great.

What brought you towards recovery? 


Around Christmas 2009 I realised I was literally sitting around waiting to die. The death of a friend from Anorexia that January made me realise how much that would affect my loved ones, and how much I didn't want that. It seemed to ignite some kind of drive in me and eventually I got the help I needed.

Is recovery possible?


I'd like to think so. Personally, I believe I will always have a part of me in the grip of Anorexia, but right now I would also say I'm recovered, I'm eating and functioning, working and living, I just..still have to battle that inner voice 24/7. I know many people who have fully recovered, so all in all, yes it is possible and I don't mean to sound pessimistic.

What do you think would help others battling an Eating Disorder? 


Support at the inbetween phase. It seems to be very all or nothing (well, in my area at least), your either at rock bottom and in need of emergency care, or doing something pro-active like CBT. I'm at a stage where neither is right for me (and I've spoken to other people at the same point) and our NHS care is being withdrawn at a time where we need it most to cope with day-to-day life and staying on an even keel.

How do you feel now? 


Tentative but hopeful. This is the best it's been for years. Physically I'm healthier than I've been in years and mentally I have come on leaps and bounds and doing things I never thought possible. On the bad days I do feel like this won't work and I can't be better, but 80% of the time I feel hopeful about my future.


Laura is a true inspiration to me and to others and very brave for sharing her story. Thank you for being incredible and strong it goes without saying I love you! 


Don't forget you can donate to the cause at beats webpage and if you would like to share your experience please do get in touch butterflyshapes@gmail.com

Happy Valentines

Polly pockets heart shaped home!

My dad got my niece Poppy a collection of polly pocket homes and he saved the exact same one I had as a child. I was way too happy than a 24 year old should be to receive this but I ain't your average adult. The only thing missing is Polly hereself so if anyone has any miniature dollies lying around y'know she has a home here...

Anyhoo! It was Valentines day and I have returned home and can you believe I couldn't get in my door. It was so incredibly hard with the amount of cards I received. Haha not really but least I can make a joke about it rather than feel all sorry for myself eh? Instead I had a date with Bob... bob the treadmill! Thats right I name cardio equipment at my gym... my other two fav running machines are Milly & Tom btw. 

Well I think I have scared my readers enough for one evening y'know being a crazy singleton will do that to a girl ;)

Stay tuned for my London update and results for the Sidcup 10 mile race coming your way very soon! Hope you all had a lovely day and I'm sending hugs and chocolate to all ♥ 

Love times a thousand

The Cove

I'm aware I am a little behind in watching this but if truth be told I was frightened to watch it. Its not news that I am an emotional sensitive person combined with my love for marine life I just thought it would be too difficult to bare. In some ways I was right as I howled my way through this eye opening amazing documentary. As a child I declared I was going to be a marine biologist but like most changed my mind numerous times and to this day still don't know what I want to be 'when I grow up...'

I can rarely sit through films these days as my attention span has become some what limited. The Cove made me sit up and listen though and has really resonated with me. I just can't stop thinking about it and how I need to do more to help. I have donated money to various charities but I feel its not enough. I urge people to watch The Cove and please help in any way you can. 

Love

'Love means never having to say you're sorry' (Love Story)

I originally heard the above quote in one of my all time favourite films Now & Then :)

source

Love means trusting, communicating, listening to one another, being there no matter what, good or bad, being faithful and accepting one another as they you find each other. To me anyway! thats all I can really think of but I am somewhat content spending time with spending time with friends and my cat (hello! crazy cat lady) so I haven't really given the whole love thing a lot mind time.

♥

Today...

was not my day!

To start... I slept in so had to quickly pack my things to head to the gym. I was going through the motions of putting things into my locker and bent down to collect my bag and on my way back up successfully clunked my head of the locker door. Ouchies! I have a incline the cute swim coach seen so being the smooth chick I am I pretended I didn't just knock myself stupid. Man oh man did it hurt though!

Fast forward two minutes and the gym toilets were full so I skipped through to the health suite. Now don't let the word 'suite' deceive you... my cat would hesitate about using the loo's in that place! Anyway after I unlock the door the handle practically falls off in my hand. I was trapped! Trapped in the health suite toilets! I considered squiggling under the door but ew the floor! so I yelped for a little while until what sounded like a small gathering outside.  One woman reads aloud the 'Out of Order' sign on the door perhaps I smacked my head harder than I thought and was temporarily blinded on my way in. I heard an announcement over the tannoy requesting help. There was talk of having to remove the door handle when the door popped open. Some random man had managed to rescue me so he received a thank you hug and the I scampered away in embarrassment to the gym.

Of course.... things have to come in threes and that late start in the morning made going swimming a slight problem as during my crazed rush I had forgotten my swimming costume. Don't worry I don't do nude swimming so I went home and returned for a good swim this evening.

However I am delighted that tresor cereal has made its way to the UK under the fitting name 'Krave'. Yum! I think you should all go have a bowl of this deelish breakfast munch immediately.

Hope you lovelies had a better day than me!

Much love

B

Spring has Sprung!

Firstly I am overwhelmed by all the lovely emails, comments and support I have received from my wonderful friends and readers. Thank you so much :)

Busy week as per usual y'know the usual swimming, ballet, studying, running, appointments, shopping and occasionally... sleeping! 

These are the lovely daffodils my mother bought me! They are very pretty aren't they? I am a little worried in case I jinx this but... its been dry for 4 days now! No snow, rain, sleet, general miserable weather! It is rather cold but I am enjoying this little spell of nicer weather. Is Spring now here? I hope so!

I have an early Spin class tomorrow so I am going to cut this short and fall into bed with my electric blanket. Bliss!

B

Post Number One

Welcome to my blog!

I have been a user of livejournal since I was a little one but have decided to enter the world of blogging. I will write about my general interests and expect to see regular appearances from my beautiful cat...



Darcy

I am interested in all sorts from writing to photography, fashion (well experimenting with my own) , film & dance. I love fitness and particularly LOVE swimming! I am unsure what direction I am going in but does anyone really know where they are going?

I shall try my best to keep posting but I tend to be a little forgetful so forgive me if my posts drop off the planet now & again.

Much love

B