New Gadget

iPhone 4 baby!

My 3G went on the blink after 2 years of good use and it was time for a new contract so I went with my honey apple and got an iPhone 4. Its pretty super but thats to be expected. I am really pleased with the camera as I usually lug my Canon round which is purrty darn heavy so it tends to stay in the house (tsk naughty blogger). So expect more pictureful updates and apologies in advance as you will probs get kitty overload as Darcy loves to pose for photos.

In other news I've had two weeks of physio and got a roll of kenesio tape (pink obviously) which has helped a LOT. I don't want to become too dependent on the tape though and the joke floating round my gym is that I'll turn up like a mummy wrapped up in the stuff. I managed a good 10 miler this week and in my sweaty mess realised I had my running leggings on BACK TO FRONT... total fail! I expect nothing more from me though as I can be quite the dizzy head.

I've had numerous other appointments and got the dreaded blood test results which confirmed I'm anemic again. I'll need to get my Popeye on and down some spinach asap! I had an incline that I was lacking in iron as I was feeling really exhausted and had the whole paler than usual look. It probably contributed to my complete break down last week too so again I probably have to look at my nutrition and make some big improvements. It probably goes without saying that this is going to be a struggle as I feel like I eat too much and don't need any more. However its blatant that this is a typical ED thought and I need to try and get the negativity under control.

A mention to the wonderful Laura for some of the great inspirational posts of late :) you have brightened my blogroll many a times this week!

A Daisy Chain Dream

As part of NEDA I spoke to my dear friend Laura who agreed to share her story about he ED. 

Describe your eating disorder and how you think it started? 


It started with a "diet" when I was 15, I was obese to start with and lost a lot of weight, eating very little rapidly but because I was large to start with people really did assume it was a diet, or I was losing puppy fat. It took me a couple of years of restricting to varying degrees to realise it was a problem and there were periods of a semi recovery during that. Things really spiralled when I was 17, I experienced other mental health problems and fell in to a spiral of impuslive behaviours, including Bulimia. Two years on for that I after several medical admissions I went in to IP treatment and beat the Bulimia and again, had some kind of semi recovery, went to college and lived a bit. Toward the end of 2009 I was feeling lost and out of control and Anorexia crept in again, at it's worst, I think out of all the years, eventually leading to another IP. But out of all of this, the root cause?! I still don't know.

Were you aware you had a problem?


 I think semi aware, because I was eating so much less than my friends and experiencing skewed thought patterns but I was very much in denial, it wasn't until a few years later that I "came clean" both to others and myself.

Do you feel you were given support? 


When I asked for it, yes. I've been very fortunate in the support I've had from my family and friends, and for the most part, professionally. It's hit and miss with the NHS and it seems to come in fits and starts, but when it's there the support has been great.

What brought you towards recovery? 


Around Christmas 2009 I realised I was literally sitting around waiting to die. The death of a friend from Anorexia that January made me realise how much that would affect my loved ones, and how much I didn't want that. It seemed to ignite some kind of drive in me and eventually I got the help I needed.

Is recovery possible?


I'd like to think so. Personally, I believe I will always have a part of me in the grip of Anorexia, but right now I would also say I'm recovered, I'm eating and functioning, working and living, I just..still have to battle that inner voice 24/7. I know many people who have fully recovered, so all in all, yes it is possible and I don't mean to sound pessimistic.

What do you think would help others battling an Eating Disorder? 


Support at the inbetween phase. It seems to be very all or nothing (well, in my area at least), your either at rock bottom and in need of emergency care, or doing something pro-active like CBT. I'm at a stage where neither is right for me (and I've spoken to other people at the same point) and our NHS care is being withdrawn at a time where we need it most to cope with day-to-day life and staying on an even keel.

How do you feel now? 


Tentative but hopeful. This is the best it's been for years. Physically I'm healthier than I've been in years and mentally I have come on leaps and bounds and doing things I never thought possible. On the bad days I do feel like this won't work and I can't be better, but 80% of the time I feel hopeful about my future.


Laura is a true inspiration to me and to others and very brave for sharing her story. Thank you for being incredible and strong it goes without saying I love you! 


Don't forget you can donate to the cause at beats webpage and if you would like to share your experience please do get in touch butterflyshapes@gmail.com

Yellow

 

My cutesy new little rabbit coasters :)

Two week blog break! Did you miss me? I kept meaning to get on here but I've been a busy bee and updating fell off the agenda. I did get round to changing the blog a little and adding a few extra pages though! I also have a new blogroll so if you would like to be added just leave a little comment and I'd be more than happy to pop you on the list.

Things have been mediocre. Nothing amazing has been happening and nothing devastating just pretty much the same old! Muddling along. I was really motivated and doing well with reducing my exercise but this week I've fallen off the wagon. I just never feel like what I am doing is enough which is ridiculous and completely irrational but I just have to keep reminding myself that I can't afford to do crazy amounts of physical activity when my health is in jeopardy. 

source

I made a positive step and escaped Glasgow last weekend! Usually I jump ship to my mothers house but I went with my sister to Dundee for a friends 21st Birthday party. It was a fun evening and I met lots of lovely ladies from Dundee Destroyers the local roller Derby Team. The trip to Dundee was a sleepy one and I managed to snooze most of the journey which was very much needed! Before I left Glasgow I got stopped by the police. My girls pink bike got me in to big troubs! I finally plucked up the courage to go on the main road and was going along Dumbarton road in quite the daze. Skipped a red light and was alerted by a police man from the other side of the road. I got scared, peddled fast and spent the entire cycle home paying close attention to traffic signals and behaving in a very good cyclist manner. A lesson learned my friends!

Right! its been brief and I don't have a whole lot of interesting stuff to say and I must go make myself a cup of tea! I can't leave without saying Welcome back to the beautiful lovely Laura :) She is a wonderful person and I am so proud of her. ♥