Crazy times

I think its a given that ain't your typical blog once, twice, three times a day girly so I'll give the apologies for my absence a miss today ;)

Lets see! Last time I updated I was starting to feel quite good and had a relatively pleasant week. Its been brought to my attention by a few people that they don't get the full picture of me from reading my blog. I do keep a lot of stuff to myself because its a public and because I wouldn't want anyone to replicate anything I do. I still struggle with an ED and I am by no means recovered and don't know if I ever will be. I have a lot of bad habits, rituals and obsessions that I don't think need to be displayed on the internet because I'm worried of making a fool of myself but also I wouldn't want someone to feel triggered or upset. What do you think? Should I be more honest? Is there anything you would like to see in the blog?

Recently things have been completely and utterly...(I want to swear, will I swear?) shit. What can I say? it slipped out...

Now to those that know me its no big secret that I love to clean! No really! I love to tidy up, hoover, mop, polish and steam clean. The last one not so much after my sunshine yellow steam cleaning friend is now an enemy after it blew up in my face. The lid came flying off, spurted water out along with boiling hot steam right towards my eyes. Screaming in agony I went to my neighbors home who got me straight to a&e where they seen me in 4 minutes flat because I was howling in so much pain. Painkillers, ibuprofen, tramadol and 15 minutes later I was a little calmer. Found out I was incredibly lucky that it was superficial burns and I was still able to see okay. I think more than anything I was really shaken up and frightened. That pain was unbearable though and for the first time in a very long time I didn't think about food, exercise, anorexia all I could think about what getting rid of the pain. Blessing in disguise? hmm! however it did slow me down and stop me in my tracks. My heart goes out to people that have to live with pain in their life and it just goes to show how quickly things can just blow up (no pun intended) in a split second. Least I'll have good pores and have decided chemical peels off my list of things to try ;)

Next on the list of crappy things is my most treasured possession was taken from me... thats right guys some loser stole my iPhone. Here are some of the photos I managed to save before my dear phone was taken from me...

My latest Nike triax running shoes! A lot of folks knock nike but these babies have got me through my longest runs and what's it they say... if it ain't broke don't fix it!

My favourite cross training/ comfortable/ kicking about trainers because they are pretty and pink :)

Finally my cat needs to see a therapist and yeah you read that right! My cat has some form of ADD and general behavioral issues so after numerous vet trips, feliway diffuser, more attention, etc he is still wreaking havoc in my home. The vet actually suggested I contact a therapist for him which I have to laugh about because only I would end up with a cat in therapy too!

One Hundred

Happy 100th Post Bloggy :)

Sale Bargain (trainers not the cat)

aaaand pose! fierce Darcy fierce!

My trainers were reduced to less than half price in the sales! I was mega pleased. Obviously when I went to photograph them Darcy wanted to hog the limelight. One day I will post something I've purchased other than sports gear maybe I will even buy a dress!  

The gym and pool were still closed yesterday which was a bit frustrating so after some shopping I indulged in a free trial at Paris' family chain... 

I did a little over one hundred laps of their little pool and got a good workout in the near empty gym so I left rather pleased. I should start reviewing gyms I visit as I really do take full advantage of these free trial things. I had one for Virgin Active but it made me wish I was rich so I could actually become a member so perhaps not. Anyway! Later I got a sports massage which was amazing and has made my legs feel brand new. It was long overdue and definitely something I need to get more often especially if I continue to run as much! Its been a good second day to the year and I have reached post number 100! Wowzer.

Have you had any good sale buys? What are they? Where is your favorite shop for bargains?

Love

Tears

Bear Fruit Nibbles!

Now what I should of done is snacked on these today and not listened to the irrational side of my head. Except stupidity intervened and I did a relatively long run and short cycle session when suddenly something hit me. Nausea, chest pain, dizziness, general not-very- nice symptoms and oh no! not the... oh yes that lump in your throat and feeling that you just need to cry. You force yourself to not let the tears flow and just pull yourself together. Someone asks if you're okay...? The flood gates open! I know I am not alone in this feeling but by gosh its embarrassing when it happens! For those fellow sensitive souls out there don't worry its a feeling I encounter on a very regular basis. Tonight I dropped an iceberg lettuce and I swear a tear almost trickled down my face! Its okay though as hard as it was I worked through it ;)

I was unsure wether to bring this up on here but I need an outlet somewhere and hey! its my blog. I have been a crier since I was a little one and don't ever think I outgrew it. In school someone would say 'boo' and yeah... you guessed it I would cry. Nobody wants to cry and if you do then please may we trade places?! Its an emotion I dread and hate as its creeps on me out of nowhere and before I know it the water works are in full flow. At the same time I am so worried that people think I'm doing it for attention which has never and never is the case. I just can't help it! It probably doesn't help that I am crazy bananas but I've come to the realisation most of us are all barking in some form or another. Just nobody talks about it... I've decided to break this silence and share as I know many other people feel the same way and I don't want people to feel lonely. Sharing, caring and all that!

These emotions were combined with the fact that I am not nourishing myself the appropriate amount and is another reason why eating disorders are just not worth having in your life. 

So if you find yourself floating in this boat, paddling this canoe, driving in this ship of salt waters know you aren't stranded and the feeling does pass. Lastly remind yourself if anyone feels the need to judge you on how you feel then they aren't worth knowing in the first place.

Wow! This was a rather in depth post so lets leave you with cuddles from my sleepy cat...

Purrr!

I miss...

Home.

However being back in Glasgow means I get cuddles from the wonderful...

Darcy!

The flat is finally coming together and my living room looks much better now the walls are intact...

So its fairly obvious this blog is neglected and I think I would actually like to commit to updating more. The thing is I just tend to lose my drive and motivation to write and fall of the radar. I have been inspired by the lovely Jessica at Almost Over Now to attempt the 30 -day insight challenge

Day 01- Guilty pleasure.
Day 02- Something that inspires you.
Day 03- The five songs you would have with you on a desert island and why.
Day 04- What you imagine paradise to be like.
Day 05- A thank you letter to someone who has changed your life.
Day 06- Earliest thing you can remember.
Day 07- Favorite cover of your favorite song.
Day 08- Someone you think would make a good president.
Day 09- Five things you want to see change.
Day 10- A dream you had this past week described in detail.
Day 11- Favorite picture ever taken of yourself.
Day 12- Your favorite musical artist’s life story.
Day 13- A memory that never fails to make you laugh.
Day 14- Best mashup you’ve ever heard.
Day 15- A moment, phrase, or song that has changed your life the most.
Day 16- Something that you want to do within the next five years.
Day 17- What you want to be remembered for.
Day 18- A picture that makes you feel.
Day 19- A passage from a book that has touched you.
Day 20- A band that you immediately liked and the song that made you like them.
Day 21- Your favorite medium of art.
Day 22- Someone you would give your life up for without question.
Day 23- Most awkward first impression you feel you’ve ever given.
Day 24- Something you did as a child that other people remember you for.
Day 25- Something you would do if no one stopped you or if you knew you wouldn’t fail.
Day 26- Your definition of love.
Day 27- Your definition of the meaning of life.
Day 28- A moment you remember being completely happy in and a description of why you believe you were. What is your definition of happiness?
Day 29- What you live for.
Day 30- Ways you believe you have grown over the past thirty days.


Starting tomorrow... no really I will be back tomorrow! Right now I am going to stop Darcy pulling all my magnets of my fridge door (strange kitty) and then hit up the gym for a good workout session.


Love


B

 

Recap

Zippity do da

Woah! Its been a while again so time for a little recap yes?

Hole 

Perhaps one of the best gigs I have been to! I have been a Hole fan Courtney Love obsessive since I was about thirteen so to finally get to see her in the flesh 10 years on was amaze! She played for over two hours and Eva and I didn't want the night to end... so we stayed & we met her kind of... (I touched her coat).

 

Blip

I mentioned a little while ago about the possibility of a short inpatient admission... which sadly happened on May 4th. Things had spiraled out of control with regard to my eating disorder and I was becoming physically very unwell. However I didn't last very long on the EDU but being in hospital again gave me the shake up that was very much needed. However this weekend has been really bad and I am struggling at the moment. I don't want to delve into too much right now partly because I think anorexia has had too much space in my life for way too long. I am trying my best to stay on track and been attending regular appointments. Its a slow process and frustrating for everyone around which I feel incredibly guilty about as it seems I take two steps forward followed by four leaps back. Right now I feel at quite a loss and I am battling negative thoughts constantly.

University 

Well! I have completed my final exam which was stressful and exhausting but I went, I wrote, I tried and now... I hope! Hope for a pass mark so I can finally graduate and get my degree! I'm an impatient little madam so this waiting game is not chocolate biscuits.  

Finally

Check my waldorf salad I created!

In thee bowl... celery, beetroot, red onion, tomato, red grapes, green grapes, apple, dried pineapple, sultanas and walnuts. 

Pretty and yummy!

This was rather brief and sketchy but Darcy is looking for cuddles and is threatening to walk all over the keyboard. Now University is finished I hope to start updating on a more regular basis :)

B

Rar!

Ohhh it was a toughie but I completed it! 5k in 2 hours 20 minutes... not the fastest time but I got a purty royal bloo medal.  I didn't think I would find it that hard as I swim 2k almost every day but the cold water, length of time in the pool and morning run probably didn't help. I really struggled near the end but pushed on through and made it to the finish! I had a very proud mother at the poolside waiting with hugs a big fluffy warm towel. Bless her for waiting all that time for me to complete it :) 

I received a lovely little present from my friend Sarah! After spin on Monday she brought out...

Chocolate Covered Katie's fudge babies! Such a sweetie is Sarah which reminds me I should return her tupperware box or she will be mentally kicking me in body combat... I jest! I jest!

In other news my flat is being remodeled which equal mess, stress and upheaval. What began as some innocent removal of wallpaper resulted in half the wall following suit. Cue tears and general freaking out girly moments. There are workmen coming in and out the place, my hall resembles a construction site and the dust oh the DUST! Its everywhere! E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E just... D: At the moment I am awaiting more work getting done and Darcy is staying with Alice until everything has settled down. I miss my cosy home and kitty cat cuddles!

Also I have an exam in just under 4 weeks and started out very well with a supreme study plan. I stuck to it for almost a day (no I know... rocking!)  then maybe, possibly, probably it got trapped underneath runners world magazine and erm yeah I really need to get back to the books.

Lastly this may be my last post for a short while as things are very hectic but if I manage to blog in between times then I will of course be back with ramblings and photos very soon.

Love

B

More time in a day please?!

I have no idea how you blogger people manage to update everyday! I can barely find time to update once a week!

I have been finding things really hard lately and I am struggling to keep on top of things but what is new?! WELL I'll tell you what is new... my running shoes!

Eeee! pretty in pink and super comfortable. I got fitted in store for them a few weeks back but they only had them in bloo and because I'm an OCD freak I wanted my trainers to match the rest of my running gear so I waited patiently for them to arrive. Darcy liked them too...

Sorry my mistake...

It was the box he was after! I also got a Nike running band to track my time and distance...

If you plan on getting one of these... don't bother! The dye came off on my arm after one run and the screen became slightly blotched despite it being a crisp dry day. I mean I broke a sweat but but I didn't over exert myself to the point that the band should start failing on me! In my opinion its naff (oh my I haven't used that term in a long time) anyway I returned it to the store within 24 hours of purchase. Time to start saving for a garmin or if anyone is feeling generous y'know make sure its in pink to colour co-ordinate with the above. Hehe

I'm rather sleepeh so I will leave this post here for just now. 

Night folks

B

Post Number One

Welcome to my blog!

I have been a user of livejournal since I was a little one but have decided to enter the world of blogging. I will write about my general interests and expect to see regular appearances from my beautiful cat...



Darcy

I am interested in all sorts from writing to photography, fashion (well experimenting with my own) , film & dance. I love fitness and particularly LOVE swimming! I am unsure what direction I am going in but does anyone really know where they are going?

I shall try my best to keep posting but I tend to be a little forgetful so forgive me if my posts drop off the planet now & again.

Much love

B