Glaswood

Like my spin on Hollywood? No? It was a pretty crap attempt really eh? My reason for the film reference is because the center of our home City has turned into a whopping great film set! Oh yes Mr Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are staying here this next week or so for his new movie Z something or another. Thats not the actual name it does have the letter Z though...

Our streets turned into Philadelphia 

Taxi!

Stop

Carnage

So I have yet to see Mr Pitt yet but tbh I am more of a Jolie fan... 

In other star spotting news I attended my mums gym and Billy Boyd was in our power yoga class. The class at my mums gym was okay but the aircon was left on and it was bloody freezing. My usual Sunday class was great as the teacher got out this big bag and emptied it on the floor it was all these pretty shells for us to meditate on. The child in me was like 'coooool' and after meditation I felt really good and had yet another great sleep. Cheers yoga!

Another magic muffin from Sarah :)

In other news this moving malarky is stressful and I have my first ever half marathon in 10 days. I have covered 15 miles before so I am not concerned about the actual distance but due to my good 10k time I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to get another good time. If I ran my 10k pace for the half then I'm pretty sure I'd fall down mid way through. It doesn't help that I feel a lot of pressure from fellow gym people not just with running but in general. People constantly congratulate me on my over exercising I feel encouraged all the time and like I am actually good at something. Its like a sense of achievement, a purpose and makes me feel like I'm not a waste of space. On the other hand though I am at risk of running myself literally into the ground. If I take a day off people get all 'Where have you been? Slacking off?' which ignites any guilt I already carried or the kinder ones say 'WELL DONE' like taking one day off makes everything okay again when really I feel continually trapped. Sometimes I despise exercise because I'm so exhausted but I do love it at the same time. Its such a twisted web and I'm in this cycle that has become increasingly worse this past month or two. I feel like whatever I do is never enough but understand its also too much. Others never say the right thing and I have no control over that and I have no idea what would make me feel good. Mm! I can feel myself going off on a tangent so I'll stop rambling for now because it doesn't make sense in my own head never mind trying to make anyone else understand...

There is 5 more days of filming in Glasgow so there is a possibility I'll run into a Hollywood star over the weekend. The remainder of the weekend will involve packing, tidying and feeling pretty displaced in among removal boxes. Argh!

Love

Giveaway

As part of NEDA week Beat have teamed up with UK high street store New Look to sell pink and blue watches to raise awareness. I got not one but two today one for myself and one for you! This is my first giveaway and I think its a great cause so how do you enter you ask?!

There are four ways to enter:

1) What colour would be your first choice? Blue or Pink?

2) Tweet or Facebook this then let me know 

3) Add me to your blogroll and comment to let me know 

 4) Link this post and let me know

The winner will be announced on Monday the 28th of February.

Good luck and lots of love!

A Daisy Chain Dream

As part of NEDA I spoke to my dear friend Laura who agreed to share her story about he ED. 

Describe your eating disorder and how you think it started? 


It started with a "diet" when I was 15, I was obese to start with and lost a lot of weight, eating very little rapidly but because I was large to start with people really did assume it was a diet, or I was losing puppy fat. It took me a couple of years of restricting to varying degrees to realise it was a problem and there were periods of a semi recovery during that. Things really spiralled when I was 17, I experienced other mental health problems and fell in to a spiral of impuslive behaviours, including Bulimia. Two years on for that I after several medical admissions I went in to IP treatment and beat the Bulimia and again, had some kind of semi recovery, went to college and lived a bit. Toward the end of 2009 I was feeling lost and out of control and Anorexia crept in again, at it's worst, I think out of all the years, eventually leading to another IP. But out of all of this, the root cause?! I still don't know.

Were you aware you had a problem?


 I think semi aware, because I was eating so much less than my friends and experiencing skewed thought patterns but I was very much in denial, it wasn't until a few years later that I "came clean" both to others and myself.

Do you feel you were given support? 


When I asked for it, yes. I've been very fortunate in the support I've had from my family and friends, and for the most part, professionally. It's hit and miss with the NHS and it seems to come in fits and starts, but when it's there the support has been great.

What brought you towards recovery? 


Around Christmas 2009 I realised I was literally sitting around waiting to die. The death of a friend from Anorexia that January made me realise how much that would affect my loved ones, and how much I didn't want that. It seemed to ignite some kind of drive in me and eventually I got the help I needed.

Is recovery possible?


I'd like to think so. Personally, I believe I will always have a part of me in the grip of Anorexia, but right now I would also say I'm recovered, I'm eating and functioning, working and living, I just..still have to battle that inner voice 24/7. I know many people who have fully recovered, so all in all, yes it is possible and I don't mean to sound pessimistic.

What do you think would help others battling an Eating Disorder? 


Support at the inbetween phase. It seems to be very all or nothing (well, in my area at least), your either at rock bottom and in need of emergency care, or doing something pro-active like CBT. I'm at a stage where neither is right for me (and I've spoken to other people at the same point) and our NHS care is being withdrawn at a time where we need it most to cope with day-to-day life and staying on an even keel.

How do you feel now? 


Tentative but hopeful. This is the best it's been for years. Physically I'm healthier than I've been in years and mentally I have come on leaps and bounds and doing things I never thought possible. On the bad days I do feel like this won't work and I can't be better, but 80% of the time I feel hopeful about my future.


Laura is a true inspiration to me and to others and very brave for sharing her story. Thank you for being incredible and strong it goes without saying I love you! 


Don't forget you can donate to the cause at beats webpage and if you would like to share your experience please do get in touch butterflyshapes@gmail.com

NEDA

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week

This is something I am very passionate about and if you want to help and support the cause please visit beats webpage to donate or if you are struggling with any eating disorder or know of someone with an ED the page has a lot of support and advice to offer. 

This week I want to try to raise awareness and for people to speak up about Eating Disorder and the effects of living with one. If you want to share you story please email me as I have a few posts relating to this matter all week and need your help to dispel the eating disorder myths and reveal the truth about ED's. 

butterflyshapes@gmail.com

Changes

So a while back I discovered this cereal for 88p (!!!) in Asdas... now I'm not ashamed to admit I love a bargain so got myself a little box. Cocoa crunch is delish btw :) Anyway on my grocery trip last week to my sadness I could not find this whole earth box of crunchy clusters. Four Asdas later, Tescos, Morrisons, UK supermarket you name it and they don't have it. 

I thought that my usual saviour would have some cereal goodness

Nope.

Gave up and decided to head to the gym but not before a last ditch attempt at grassroots 

Huzzah!

After all that I bet its not even as good as I remember! Also the £2.99 price tag dissuaded me somewhat :O When I do crack it open it will be rationed to a crumb a time obviously. 

On to my five things I would like to see change....

My mindset I would delve further into this but lets face it we all know I'm completely barmy in more ways than one ;) 

Poor treatment towards animals. I find it utterly heartbreaking that someone would abuse or hurt an animal and don't and never will understand why someone would inflict pain on an innocent animal. 

Something that I wholeheartedly agree with and resonated with me 'I would like to see the attitude of the general public towards mental illness change' Jessica. The stigma surrounding mental health and peoples reactions and downright ignorance irritate me no end. Its the invisible illness and misunderstood by many because you can't necessarily see the symptom(s). If people were to be a little more understanding and open in talking about mental health I reckon people suffering would be able to cope better and not feel as isolated and alone as the illness already makes them feel. Its something that can effect anyone and you wouldn't treat someone with cancer with total disrespect so why treat someone with a mental health problem like its something that they can be help. It may frustrate those that are not been affected by issues out with their control but if there was a magic cure and one was to just 'get on with things' I'm sure someone suffering would take that route in a heart beat. 

Body/ weight obsession! Particularly in the glossy magazines as its not healthy for anyone to be bombarded with unrealistic images on a daily basis. 

Finally I would like to see a cure for Eating disorders so that they could disappear all together.

Right its late and I would like to make Spin on time for once! Toodle pip (Did I honestly just type that?!)

Love

B

My Story

Thank you so much to Barb for letting my share my story on her blog ♥ :) If you have a moment feel free to have a little read.

Love

B

Eating Disorder Awareness Week

Eating disorders effect so many people and I would urge everyone to get involved in eating disorder awareness week as there is way too much stigma surrounding this illness and many people are suffering in silence.

If you or someone you know is suffering from this horrible illness please speak to someone and know that there is life after an eating disorder.

BEAT 

National Eating Disorders 

B