Wednesday Warrior

Arielle was the first recovery blog I came across and it was a welcome relief to find someone positive and motivating compared to some of the stuff I've come across while looking for help. As mentioned previously its National Eating Disorder Awareness Week and the lovely Arielle has agreed to share her story with my readers.  Please follow the links below to hear Arielle's personal story and please check her blog for lots more information on recovery and struggles faced when dealing with an Eating Disorder.   

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

 Part Four

 Thank you so much to Arielle and heres to you our Wednesday Warrior :)

Male Anorexia

Eating disorders tend to be associated with females which irks me beyond belief! Men struggle too and the pressure on males is just as bad as females have to endure.

Please if you have a moment watch Bryans journey through recovery. It shows a very sick man flourish and proves it is possible to battle against your eating disorder.

This story really resonated with me and made me realise you CAN turn things around and I just think how wonderful this man is for how far he has come and actually challenged anorexia rather than taking the easy route of simply giving in to the disorder. A true inspiration :)

Little

When I was a child people will likely remember the save the lamb expedition! Also when asked what I want to be when I grow up my response wasn't a nurse or a princess... no no I announced I was going to be a marine biologist that was until I found out you had to swim in cages with sharks ;)

source

Today was the 10k Great Scottish Run which I was insanely anxious about due to the fact I was going alone and a lot of people decided it was the worst idea ever due to my health. It isn't smart to work out with my condition and I don't advocate anyone gives it a go. Good news is I had breakfast for the first time in a very long while in order to make sure I was properly nourished and had made an effort not to run prior to the race AND challenged a food fear the night before eating a bowl of pasta!

The race itself was a big disappointment, the atmosphere wasn't spectacular and I didn't feel as elated as I was expecting. Perhaps its due to the fact this week has been exceptionally difficult combined with having a mind full of worry. Anyway I completed the race in 51.01 and of course did my rounds on collecting freebies at the end. You can never have enough pens, stress balls, t shirts and 'spend more money and get a 10% discount' offers!

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I have a busy week of appointments and I am very tired. Wow! Sorry to be a downer people. I do have something very exciting to prepare for though and thats my trip to NYC! I breifly mentioned I was going to the big apple in this post. I failed to follow up with details! I will fly to Iceland at the beginning of November, will spend some time in Reykjavik then I am going to the USA for 12 days AND during the weeks I am there the New York marathon is on and I only went and got myself a place! Just kidding guys ;) I will however be watching from the sidelines. I can't wait to get away and I terribly excited about going to my dream destination. The only problem will be what do I leave behind! Will it be cold? Freezing? How many pairs of shoes? What boots to take? What coat? How many coats? I think a sensible list on what to bring will need to be created so if anyone has any pointers on traveling light then please enlighten me at this early stage.

Well its that time... Bee bed time

Nah night

A picture that makes you feel

This photograph was taken while on a trip to Venice in 2008 and its makes me feel happy, inspired, hopeful and free. The reason? I travelled Italy alone, I met wonderful people, I wasn't chained to a gym and I was in one of the most beautiful places I have ever been.

Today I struggled and I can't live with feeling this exhausted, ill, frightened and scared anymore. I am so unhappy and consumed by an illness. I have let anorexia take my identity and I have let it define me as a person. I don't know who I am anymore and use this awful eating disorder as a mask denying my own self to flourish. It has left me with a mere existence and I can't cope with the pressure it has on me on a hourly basis. I am falling apart physically and mentally so I need to commit to make changes starting with tapering back this week. No matter what I need to cut down as I want to do the 10k this weekend and I have a feeling if I don't sort out my nutrition and exercise compulsion NOW then I won't be doing very much at all never mind running any races. After my run I ditched swimming today because I was a mess and yes I did feel insanely guilty but I'm still here, the world did not end and I didn't have to endure cold pool water. Its wake up call after wake up call at the moment and the fact a local shop keeper where I get my water commented on the fact I do far too much is a sign that its time to challenge this habit of mine.

Small steps guys small steps...

Love

B

A moment

... or a few

This is a toughie because there has been many and I have sworn I will turn a corner and 'make changes' and all intentions are there but I never follow through.

Recently a scary a moment shook me up and made me realise I need to make changes. The bug incident a few weeks ago followed by a funny turn in the gym on Tuesday. I felt a little funny I say a little but I had really bad chest pain and thought its just a stitch and kept running. I was finishing up with a rowing session when a good friend basically told me I had gone a chalk white and it was time I stopped working out and took an energy drink. I examined the label of the zero electrolyte drink like a crazed maniac and realised how stupid I must have looked. This little person about to drop down from sheer exhaustion worrying over a few calories!

Wednesday I went to the salad bar in Waitrose and heart-ached over what salad to get... I swayed for a while, left the store, had a think then finally asked for a party snack bowl for a miniature salad. The whole time I was thinking 'this is ridiculous' I had done an enormous amount of exercise and I was getting upset over salads! Its not like it was a chocolate fondue fountain!

Today. The clincher! I went for an ECG and it came back abnormal, doctors were called, blood tests were carried out and three people had to agree it was okay to let me go home.

This illness really does chip away at you and I do know some of the reasons I won't let go but I reckon we all have to do things we don't like but its for the best otherwise well...

I have acquired a collection of moments and I just hope these are all the warning push me in the right direction. I feel terrible for letting people down and bringing down my bloggy but hey! life isn't always smelling of roses.

Love

B

Busy Bumble Bee

I have been on the go constantly and I am actually pretty tired however I can't seem to sit still and my mind never seems to rest.

Exercise is meant to be a good thing right? It can improve your health, fitness and make you feel really good. However exercising too much?! What? There is no such thing!  Some would have you believe this but the fact is some people (myself included) suffer from over exercising.  A lot of people I've encountered seem to have a hard time forcing themself to go to the gym but for me I am the polar opposite. I struggle to leave the place and as daft as it sounds I feel exceptionally guilty and upset if I don't finish what I set out to do.

I have tried to distract myself and make other plans but I end up ditching them in favour or the gym/ classes or swimming. Its pretty ridiculous really but nothing seems to pick me up as much as exercise and the thought of sitting down for a long period of time equals low mood and feeling like a complete failure.

The good news is I am trying to get help but right now I am finding cutting back on exercise to be a huge struggle. So I am trying to make sure I fuel myself as I am doing more than ever and it would be a school girl error to not keep the engine running in order to sustain! I do enjoy cooking but my recipe head seems to lack a great deal so if anyone has any good suggestions especially in the shape of smooth nutritious soups and tasty sauces that go well with veggies and chicken?!  I would really appreciate your input!

I tried the above snack this week! Marks & Spencer Giant Couscous & Wheatberries With Roasted Butternut Squash Salad...yum right? Afraid not people!! It sounds delish but it was actually pretty poor so yeah its not just M&S food it's total misleading sad let down food.

I have opted to have a lazy Sunday (for me anyway) and slept in until half 9 so I feel more rested and ready for a new week!

Love

B

Post Number One

Welcome to my blog!

I have been a user of livejournal since I was a little one but have decided to enter the world of blogging. I will write about my general interests and expect to see regular appearances from my beautiful cat...



Darcy

I am interested in all sorts from writing to photography, fashion (well experimenting with my own) , film & dance. I love fitness and particularly LOVE swimming! I am unsure what direction I am going in but does anyone really know where they are going?

I shall try my best to keep posting but I tend to be a little forgetful so forgive me if my posts drop off the planet now & again.

Much love

B