Jumble

At the weekend I met my sister for Rumble in the Jumble ! The event was organised by Arlene, Angela and Lynn and they did a great job. It was a really lovely day and I always enjoy my time with Chloe :)

Sundays are not ussually restful for me and are jam packed full of classes, running, gym and swimming. I managed to curb it for the day! Minus the mid afternoon need for a little walk. I intended resting for the day because I had been feeling poorly and the anemia is in fully swing again D: but the drive to do something took over and I did go out running pre outing. At least I wasn't pushing to the limit the entire day! It made me realise that I can take a few hours off to do other things but also the reality that I am using exercise as a means of distraction. Distraction from life in general but also from the stack of ailments that are currently mounting. Despite the fact I was doing very little the majority of Sunday I felt sore, cold and exhausted. It was like everything I have been doing caught up and was like 'hey there'! When I'm working out I reckon I just go into a zone and block out any signals that my body is sending out. Whereas if sit down for just a moment I find out that I perhaps need to ease up a little. Its so hard though and I just feel compelled to keep going all the time! I feel pretty repetitive and I'm sure all this is rather boring to hear... 

I shall move onto brighter things :) Heres a peak at some of the goodies I took home... halloween cupcakes made by Angela, chocolate scented candles and a cute pink telephone!

I have an early appointment in the morning and I'm chilly so off to cuddle a hot water bottle like a right old lady. 

Love

Life

My meaning of life ... is to do what you believe in and be content and happy doing what you enjoy. I am not a religious kinda girl but do think if someone has a belief then that is their choice and shouldn't be disrespected. Anyway I don't want to be all philosophical and deep because a) I can't be bothered b) this 'insight challenge' is sending me into a little bit of a snore! I could ramble for hours but I am pretty sure nobody wants to hear such waffle! Instead have a giggle at my race photographs...

slow & steady

eat my dust

ponytail swoosh

outta the way mate

Also my name appeared in the paper with my time!

Do you remember the guilty pleasures post? I have something to add to my list... Ultimate Big Brother. I hear you groan but its simple watching and provides good background entertainment while blogging and the like. Anyway justifications aside I want to say how much last nights episode resonated with with me when Nikki Grahame (the girl that moans and throws tantrums) spoke candidly about her experience with anorexia. If you have a moment then you can view the video here and is definitely worth a little watch. Eating disorders in any form upset me greatly because you genuinely have little or no control if it grips hold and for me... it doesn't leave you. You may look better but mentally and physically the sad reality is an eating disorder never truly goes away because at one point or another is massive part of your life. In time it can become less of an issue and the day that I can speak the way Grahame did about facing your demons and having a laugh at the fact 'my jeans don't fit' then I know I will have come a long way. 

Well its 9 o clock so I am off to indulge in my Channel 4 guilty pleasure and drink tea :)

B

A moment

... or a few

This is a toughie because there has been many and I have sworn I will turn a corner and 'make changes' and all intentions are there but I never follow through.

Recently a scary a moment shook me up and made me realise I need to make changes. The bug incident a few weeks ago followed by a funny turn in the gym on Tuesday. I felt a little funny I say a little but I had really bad chest pain and thought its just a stitch and kept running. I was finishing up with a rowing session when a good friend basically told me I had gone a chalk white and it was time I stopped working out and took an energy drink. I examined the label of the zero electrolyte drink like a crazed maniac and realised how stupid I must have looked. This little person about to drop down from sheer exhaustion worrying over a few calories!

Wednesday I went to the salad bar in Waitrose and heart-ached over what salad to get... I swayed for a while, left the store, had a think then finally asked for a party snack bowl for a miniature salad. The whole time I was thinking 'this is ridiculous' I had done an enormous amount of exercise and I was getting upset over salads! Its not like it was a chocolate fondue fountain!

Today. The clincher! I went for an ECG and it came back abnormal, doctors were called, blood tests were carried out and three people had to agree it was okay to let me go home.

This illness really does chip away at you and I do know some of the reasons I won't let go but I reckon we all have to do things we don't like but its for the best otherwise well...

I have acquired a collection of moments and I just hope these are all the warning push me in the right direction. I feel terrible for letting people down and bringing down my bloggy but hey! life isn't always smelling of roses.

Love

B

Something that inspires you

hello

Thats my 50p purchase from Marks... yuh huh that's a cookbook (!) lets hope it inspires me anyway eh? My bargain purchases aside I have a few things that 'inspire' me but mainly those somethings are people. 

First up my family (Mum, Dad and sister Chloe) as despite putting them all through the mill these past few years they have never given up on me and encourage me every step of the way. It is frustrating to be around someone suffering from an eating disorder and they have motivated me when I have been downright difficult. Individually they have all been through a lot and despite all the many hurdles thrown in each of their paths they have come through it fighting strong and I admire them all so incredibly much. They inspire me in so many ways and for that I will always be grateful. 

Inspiration comes in form of another person I know named Leanne (fitness instructor, teacher and super fast runner). She works at my gym, a bundle of energy, lovely, caring, wonderful person that has endured and overcame so much. She too has battled anorexia and fought back from the brink, she fought the illness and has suffered the consequences but she rediscovered life and best of all discovered it without the use of this debilitating condition. There is no doubt in my mind that it is the hardest thing to ever do but the fact I have met someone that is recovered makes that dim light on the horizon shine that bit brighter. I will take this opportunity to thank Leeanne for being my inspiration and also for the amount of support she provides me. 

I could go on about the amazing people I am lucky to know but I think I don't want to bang the sentimental drum too hard ;) tell me what/who inspires you? 

Back tomorrow with 5 songs to take to a desert island!

Love 

B