Royal Weekend

I wasn't all that fussed for the Royal Wedding but I have to say Kate looked absolutely beautiful in her wedding dress. I'm not one for weddings, marriage, love, la de da but her day made me a little sappy and was genuinely blown away with how amazing she looked in that dress. Its just a shame her husband is going baldy... when I was young I had a massive crush on Prince William but he outgrew himself or something and is looking more like his father D:

Anyway its been a while since my last ramble! So heres a few photos to bring us up to date...

Easter goodies

Arrival of Summer

Pretty in Pink

With a splash of Kidston

It was great seeing my Dad as I only see him a couple of times a year but we chat on the phone daily. He decorated my bedroom which is almost complete I just need to get new curtains. Ikea sold out the ones I was planning to buy so a trip to the big blue & yellow building resulted in one purchase... cutlery. Calm yourself and don't get too excited now ;) I also seen my mother and sister over the Easter weekend which was nice and was very much a family filled event.

This week we have had a glorious week of weather again which has brightened my mood a lot. My freckles have even popped out to say hello! perhaps I can catch some rays (safely) to perk up my washed out vampire look.

Yesterday my super triathlete friend and lovely gym instructor headed South side to explore the 10K route in prep for the woman's event next week. I had not idea how close it actually was! I am insanely worried as my legs have felt like lead lately and I've pushed too much mileage out of them. All of us were injured (is injury in the air?!) so we were like 3 oldies plodding along. Physio is on holiday to the end of the week so I looking forward to going on Friday for massage.  The tendonitis hasn't been too bad but I've been over compensating on my left so I kinda ache all over. Ouchie boo! Anyway I'm convinced my time isn't going to be super good because if I push too hard even in swimming I get horrible twinges that just do not feel right. I would tell anyone else to ease up and rest but with me its a different ball game and I'm scared to rest. I have eliminated sprint sessions and still no body attack which is gutting because there is a new release. My physio doesn't think I should do attack again which makes it even more desirable but the thought of a plyometric lunge makes my knee hurt.

In other news I have enjoyed some lovely bicycle rides and took a 10 mile trip to a shopping center on the outskirts of the City. Even though I was just outside Glasgow it made a difference to get away from the hub of it all for a day.

My mac is going slowly because I am in the process of downloading gossip girl, desperate housewives and ANTM for my iPoodle so I'll wrap up just now.

Hope all of you had a great weekend

Love Love 

Ps. I have applied for the London Marathon 2012 ballot its unlikely I'll land a place but hopefully I do get a in... eaks!

Overdue

So I have been meaning to update ALL week but I've been in a funny place & I'm only getting round to it now. 2 hours 9 minutes for the Swimathon... not half as bad as I was expecting! knocked a good 16 minutes off my time so I'm pretty pleased. Considering I couldn't kick off properly because of the blasted tendentious (leave my knees alone) Would of liked to have got under the 2 hours but there is always next year...

I am feeling pretty low about the lack of treatment I am going to receive and the fact that my key nurse may be taken away. The thing about my eating disorder is that its actually a symptom of my other mental health problems. You see I don't tend to talk about my other 'issues' in fear of coming across like a complete attention seeker or fear of being judged. Its something that needs addressing though as an eating disorder doesn't just appear one day y'know? I've always struggled with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. In fact even as a child I never felt quite 'right' and was very dependent on my parents. Its a shocker I actually moved out on my own because I was always so close to my family. I have become a complete pro at faking it and acting completely 'fine' sometimes I'm almost elated. My mood is like a pendulum as I can feel very productive, happy, excitable and have lots of plans. As quickly as this burst of joy came it can rapidly disappear and result in tears, low motivation and very much a can't be bothered approach. Sometimes this can last a few weeks other times it goes on for prolonged periods. Many labels have been thrown about from aspergers, bi polar to borderline which leaves me feeling even more screwed up. The borderline one gets me especially because I know people with this and I don't feel I fit the criteria at all. Labels shmabels I guess! Anyway whatever the underlying issue is I need the support to deal with it and through all the changes I have always had this one consistent person over seeing my care. From the hospital admissions, various referrals, medical admissions, family breakdowns and a whole host of other things. Now because of my stupid eating disorder consuming me I'm going to lose that key worker that has helped hold me up when times have got really tough. I understand I can't become dependent on one person and I never would because at the end of the day I can only change and look after myself. It doesn't stop me from feeling a little at a loss though and wondering if there is a cure or better way of life with this dreadful illness.

I am feeling pretty run down and hate to be miss negative so lets take a look at the brighter things in life. The weather! Its been a glorious week with sunshine and we have had some almost t shirt weather. Has spring sprung? Is Summer approaching? I certainly hope so.

I ran a half marathon on Tom my favourite treadmill in the gym

Met my wonderful friend for diet cokes & coffee in a russian cafe

The bathroom has lovely decor walls and I couldn't resist taking a snapshot

Shopping trips with mother managed to score 3 nike tops for £10 

I have also been studying a lot and looking after my poorly cat as he was a bit unwell this week. He is on the mend though so worry not! My wallet however has taken a beaten but its for Darcy kitty and he is much more settled than he was last weekend :)

This weeks plans

Study 

Seeing my Dad! He is coming to Glasgow!

Charity shopping with my favourite bargain hunter

Decorating my bedroom (yes its going to be PINK)

Usual appointments

Running if my legs allow it

Try to BLOG a little more

Five songs

Enjoy some beta-carotene with a carrot salad!

Gosh its been a busy hot day! I have been busy painting the kitchen this evening and I am rather late in posting. It was an okay Sunday, loving the sunshine, went a bicycle ride, completed a good 10k run and enjoyed a nice swim. While out on my bike I was using Amy's law which basically means I'm too frightened to ride on the road and use the pavement like a child (lets face it I look around 12 years old) all thats really missing are stabilizers which I probably need as I crashed into a bunch of hedges this afternoon D: Talking my age! I am 24 this year and recently I have been asked for ID not for alchol, cigarettes or a lottery ticket. No no! Cutlery! Also I was asked if I was over the age of fourteen when using the gym back home. Total red face.  

This weekend I have felt a little low and not it the best of moods and I seemed to have let my social phobia creep in over the past few weeks... I've been avoiding everyone and its not anyone else's fault its just how I feel right now and can't seem to kick the dread feeling about being around people. Sure it will probably pass soon or at least I hope so as its not a super feeling to have.

Anyway I'll launch into the five songs to take to my desert island and why...

1. George Martin - Come Together

This song reminds me of a family holiday I went on when I was younger and just reminds me of the beach and sea so its seemed fitting for a desert island. I think simpler times would probably be attached to this record.

2. Air- La femme d'Argent

This is an ideal chill out song 

3. Sigur Ros- Agaetis Byrjun

My all time favourite Sigur Ros song would be perfect to fall asleep to Zzzz

4. Blink 182- What's my age again?

Oh don't groan! I love a bit of pop punk and I ain't ashamed to admit it

5. Velvet Undergound- After Hours

I adore this song and know all the words :)

Frankly this was a pretty boring update but I'm determined to stick to the 30 day challenge. 

Love

B

I miss...

Home.

However being back in Glasgow means I get cuddles from the wonderful...

Darcy!

The flat is finally coming together and my living room looks much better now the walls are intact...

So its fairly obvious this blog is neglected and I think I would actually like to commit to updating more. The thing is I just tend to lose my drive and motivation to write and fall of the radar. I have been inspired by the lovely Jessica at Almost Over Now to attempt the 30 -day insight challenge

Day 01- Guilty pleasure.
Day 02- Something that inspires you.
Day 03- The five songs you would have with you on a desert island and why.
Day 04- What you imagine paradise to be like.
Day 05- A thank you letter to someone who has changed your life.
Day 06- Earliest thing you can remember.
Day 07- Favorite cover of your favorite song.
Day 08- Someone you think would make a good president.
Day 09- Five things you want to see change.
Day 10- A dream you had this past week described in detail.
Day 11- Favorite picture ever taken of yourself.
Day 12- Your favorite musical artist’s life story.
Day 13- A memory that never fails to make you laugh.
Day 14- Best mashup you’ve ever heard.
Day 15- A moment, phrase, or song that has changed your life the most.
Day 16- Something that you want to do within the next five years.
Day 17- What you want to be remembered for.
Day 18- A picture that makes you feel.
Day 19- A passage from a book that has touched you.
Day 20- A band that you immediately liked and the song that made you like them.
Day 21- Your favorite medium of art.
Day 22- Someone you would give your life up for without question.
Day 23- Most awkward first impression you feel you’ve ever given.
Day 24- Something you did as a child that other people remember you for.
Day 25- Something you would do if no one stopped you or if you knew you wouldn’t fail.
Day 26- Your definition of love.
Day 27- Your definition of the meaning of life.
Day 28- A moment you remember being completely happy in and a description of why you believe you were. What is your definition of happiness?
Day 29- What you live for.
Day 30- Ways you believe you have grown over the past thirty days.


Starting tomorrow... no really I will be back tomorrow! Right now I am going to stop Darcy pulling all my magnets of my fridge door (strange kitty) and then hit up the gym for a good workout session.


Love


B

 

Demotivated

In general I feel really demotivated and can't really be bothered with anything or anyone. Its nothing personal but I have that blah feeling. Enter lazy girls salad from Marks and Sparkles...

Surprisingly divine!

I have a lot going on and I am on the slippery slide which frustrates me & everyone around me. My ED thoughts are really overwhelming and I just want to hide away. I am not challenging the negative thoughts as much as I should be. I know what I need to do so why can't I just get on and do it?! I guess that is part of vicious cycle that keeps trapping me in the illness. I find little things that others find so simple incredibly hard and I am in a constant state of worry. An example is eating in front of others... (minus my family) I know people think because you have anorexia you do not eat anything which is not true cause lets face it don't eat... you die. Yet I find myself out and about and not allowing myself anything even when I feel like hell in case someone sees me or worse says something (good or bad). Its ridiculous and something I should probably work on but it seems like the impossible and obviously I can't control other peoples thoughts or actions so I feel its best to avoid it all together. Its a little typical of me... running away and burying my head in the sand. I don't really know where I am going with this so I reckon its time to move on...

Decorating nightmare continues!

The plaster work is finally complete! Now all I have to do is get emulsion on the walls followed by operation clean up. Its tough doing it alone so my Dad is going to help out next week and hopefully by July I will have a kitschy cute castle that I can call home :)

Yeah. I don't have a lot else to say! If any of you have bloggy suggestions feel free to ship them my way as I am really blank just now.

B