Hello Sunshine

Veggies

Cous Cous mix with a sneaky pepsi max

I headed to London last week with Darcy (more on this later) for my grandmothers funeral which was in Maidstone.

Such a quaint lovely place to visit and where I was born!

God bless M&S bargains! 10p! 10p! 10p!

I arrived at my dads new bungalow on the Sunday  and got up bright and early on the Monday for my free 5 day membership at LA fitness to get my fix. 

Tuesday was the day of my Grandmothers funeral which was a very sad obviously but it was a lovely service and she would of been so happy that all the family were together. I miss her and she will never be forgotten ♥

Darcy came with me on the train because as I mentioned before he was having a lot of problems living in my little flat. He had became increasingly unhappy and was continually trying to get outside which would be fine if I didn't live in the middle of a City. The problems were getting worse and he was cooped up and miserable being an indoor kitty. My older sister offered to take care of him as she lives in the country and has a garden. As much as it broke my heart I realised what I wanted and what he needed were two very different things. It was evident from when he arrived he was miles happier and I had made the right decision for him. My niece Poppy utterly adores him and he is getting plenty of attention and I still see him but right now there is a huge darcy shaped hole in my life (i'm crying writing this) as I miss him a heck of a lot. A huge thank you to Freya for her support and reassurance as she helped put things in perspective and her kindness made me feel much better.

There was a lot of sadness and hard times but it was nice to see my family and spend time with Dad and my sisters. Also I got chance to have a short trip to London and swing by... Whole foods!

I lack in funds so I only got myself a fruit salad from the bar, some pistatio nut butter (gross btw) and a raw chocolate brownie.

I am now back in Glasgow and good news is my cellulitis cleared up but has since flared up on my other foot but luckily no where near as bad as I caught it before it had chance to floor me again. I am having a bit of an off week if I'm being honest and I've hesitated posting because I was hoping there would be a shift in my mood. However I am on a low, avoiding talking to people not because I'm mean but I just don't have anything to really say! and my opinon of myself right now is the worst its been for a long while. I am struggling with my body image and although people have said I haven't I feel like I've gained lots of weight and thoughts of cutting food, boosting exercise and going crazy have regularly been on my mind. I don't really know what to do as despite not being as thin as I once was I still feel really entrenched in ED ways and it worries my that it will never leave me. I try to shift the focus but I just feel trapped and feel like the only way to get better is to get worse which is stupid I know. I just had to get that out there because I don't really know what to do. Nobody can change how I feel about myself but surely there must be some let up where I don't take every comment to heart and just feel weighed down constantly.

This weeks plans

Book train for London (sisters wedding in August!!!)

Half marathon training

Doctors

See my mamabear

Study

Book work

Enjoy the beautiful sunshine

No let up

Sunny Glasgow town

I swear you would think I make up half the stuff on this blog as it just seems to be doom followed by gloom followed by doom. I'll get the bad stuff out the way first so we can end this post on a good note...

My beautiful grandmother aged 88 died last Monday evening due to heart failure. It was completely unexpected as despite her ailments she was really mobile and had a more active social life than myself. We have been blessed in our family that we have never lost a close member which has made this bereavement even harder to deal with.

I felt in shock about the death and proceeded to continue as normally as one could but I felt really unwell. I put it down to the fact I've never lost a loved one and that I would feel okay again by the weekend. Well that didn't happen! I got progressively worse when my temperature sky rocketed, I felt completely disorientated and was unable to keep anything including water in my system. On Friday I woke up with tracking up my leg and an incredible painful foot so an emergency appointment and half an hour later I was diagnosed with celluitus and sent packing with 12 antibiotics per day. I was told it could of turned into blood poisoning and if I had left it any longer I would of been hooked up to an IV for antibiotics. However this still remains a possibility because I am not healing as fast as I should be so keep everything crossed my body bounces back within the next 48 hours.

Brighter things! The girl well or I should say lady with the red hair is my younger sister Chloe! Graduating in Film & Media studies with a huge 2:1 :) Our proud parents and I went to her graduation last week which was lovely and the sun was shining all day for her ♥

Why what on earth is in here you ask?

 One ball of amazingness

Oatmeal cookie

Chocolate nana muffin

All made lovingly by my wonderful gym buddy bestie Sarah ♥

I'll be swimming in the pool and will catch her sneaking a cutesy tuppaware box under my soap bag. The rest of the swim I wonder what magical creation Sarah has cooked up and look forward to having a peak before I've even hit the showers. She really is a sweetheart :)

My other goodie great news is............. drumroll

dun 

dun 

duuuuun

I passed my fitness Anatomy and Physiology level 2 theory course with 86% mark

I had kept it quiet that I had started the course and was due to sit my exam because I was feel all superstitious and was worried I was going to fail but I didn't!!!! I passed with probably my best mark for an exam (I'm more an essay girl) ever :D

So its good news bad news week and I've tried my best to steer away from being a Debbie Downer and I hope you can all hang round during this difficult time. I am still reading all your blogs and appreciate every comment and great support from you lovelies.