Saturday, 16 April 2011


So I have been meaning to update ALL week but I've been in a funny place & I'm only getting round to it now. 2 hours 9 minutes for the Swimathon... not half as bad as I was expecting! knocked a good 16 minutes off my time so I'm pretty pleased. Considering I couldn't kick off properly because of the blasted tendentious (leave my knees alone) Would of liked to have got under the 2 hours but there is always next year...

I am feeling pretty low about the lack of treatment I am going to receive and the fact that my key nurse may be taken away. The thing about my eating disorder is that its actually a symptom of my other mental health problems. You see I don't tend to talk about my other 'issues' in fear of coming across like a complete attention seeker or fear of being judged. Its something that needs addressing though as an eating disorder doesn't just appear one day y'know? I've always struggled with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. In fact even as a child I never felt quite 'right' and was very dependent on my parents. Its a shocker I actually moved out on my own because I was always so close to my family. I have become a complete pro at faking it and acting completely 'fine' sometimes I'm almost elated. My mood is like a pendulum as I can feel very productive, happy, excitable and have lots of plans. As quickly as this burst of joy came it can rapidly disappear and result in tears, low motivation and very much a can't be bothered approach. Sometimes this can last a few weeks other times it goes on for prolonged periods. Many labels have been thrown about from aspergers, bi polar to borderline which leaves me feeling even more screwed up. The borderline one gets me especially because I know people with this and I don't feel I fit the criteria at all. Labels shmabels I guess! Anyway whatever the underlying issue is I need the support to deal with it and through all the changes I have always had this one consistent person over seeing my care. From the hospital admissions, various referrals, medical admissions, family breakdowns and a whole host of other things. Now because of my stupid eating disorder consuming me I'm going to lose that key worker that has helped hold me up when times have got really tough. I understand I can't become dependent on one person and I never would because at the end of the day I can only change and look after myself. It doesn't stop me from feeling a little at a loss though and wondering if there is a cure or better way of life with this dreadful illness.

I am feeling pretty run down and hate to be miss negative so lets take a look at the brighter things in life. The weather! Its been a glorious week with sunshine and we have had some almost t shirt weather. Has spring sprung? Is Summer approaching? I certainly hope so.

I ran a half marathon on Tom my favourite treadmill in the gym

Met my wonderful friend for diet cokes & coffee in a russian cafe

The bathroom has lovely decor walls and I couldn't resist taking a snapshot

Shopping trips with mother managed to score 3 nike tops for £10 

I have also been studying a lot and looking after my poorly cat as he was a bit unwell this week. He is on the mend though so worry not! My wallet however has taken a beaten but its for Darcy kitty and he is much more settled than he was last weekend :)

This weeks plans

Seeing my Dad! He is coming to Glasgow!
Charity shopping with my favourite bargain hunter
Decorating my bedroom (yes its going to be PINK)
Usual appointments
Running if my legs allow it
Try to BLOG a little more


  1. Yay for the new pink room and great work on the run! Always here if you need to chat. I understand the things you are facing xoxo

  2. So sorry you're facing being cut off from someone that has proved helpful and knows your history. The NHS has failed so many, and I understand how being diagnosed and re-diagnosed can be really draining and prove detrimental to mood in general.

    Congratulations on the swimathon and best wishes to Darcy.

    P.S You ran a half marathon on a treadmill? I wish I could do would make winter a much less anxious time.

  3. Damn the NHS!

    Thank you angel :) I was just pleased the pool wasn't freezing this time!

    I do the majority of runs on the treadmill as most of my injuries have stemmed from outdoor runs. I tend to go outdoors for races or if I have my running friend with me. Its partly an anxiety thing too to be honest! I run SO much better outside though. You should come visit and we can run together! You and hungry runner girl are my bloggy idols for super runs :)


  4. I am sending you so much love x

  5. @daisychain
    I am sending love to you too xxx