Rest

I don't know who else to talk to but I'm having a meltdown and my mums driving over to come pick me up (at least I hope so). I woke up this morning and went back to sleep, got my running things on, fell asleep and I'm just so done. I phoned my mum to ask if it was okay if I didn't run today and have just been bawling ever since.

I haven't taken a 'rest' day properly in... I can't remember how long. People take one weekly and I can't seem to get my head round doing that. God! I'd be lucky if I allowed myself one yearly. I need this but I feel sick with myself. I know if I head to the gym I'll set myself up for  a week of crying in the toilets and feeling worse than before oh yeah! let us not forget making a complete idiot of myself which I'm dead good at ;)

I don't really know the purpose of this post but I'm really struggling and have let everything overcome my every being again. I know this isn't an easy path and its would be simpler to just give up and give in to the disorder. I would also be selfish, destructive and weak to run off down the path of anorexia instead of facing thing. Fighting it rather than submitting will hopefully bring me to a better place than I find myself now...

Sidcup 10 Miles

Got the race face on baby!

and we're off!

I look so happy to be running!

The guy that came in first... when he lapped me I remember thinking he should pace himself if he wants to make it to the end.... little did I know he was on his last lap :O

Sprrrrrrrint

Hi finish line! 1.14?! what?

I didn't win and people run fast all the time but for me 1 hour 14 minutes for a 10 miler is pretty frickin good! I was so happy, my dad gave me a massive hug and inhaled a fruit salad. It rained the entire time and I didn't care as it was pretty refreshing and nice. It didn't feel like 10 miles and just had a great atmosphere! I got talking to this man that has been running marathons for 27 years! It was probably the best race I've participated in and I'm so pleased I got the chance to do it. 

The remainder of the weekend was spent visiting relatives, spending time with my gorgeous niece Poppy, celebrating my Grandmas Birthday, hanging out with my Dad and sister, shopping in Maidstone and taking advantage of my free 3 day pass at LA fitness which had a lovely warm pool.

I returned on Monday feeling somewhat deflated and in all honesty found being away from my home and routine extremely hard. I'm disappointed that I can't seem to shift myself out of this mindset and feel attached to schedules and repetition. If something goes slightly off balance I just fall apart and anxiety just sets in. I don't really know what to do except take it apart little by little and hope one day I can be SPONTANEOUS perhaps not eh? but just a little less high strung at least!

This weeks plans

Appointments galore

Sleep more as I am so lacking in this department

Study

Go and see Tangled with the girls

Tidy... oh its an exciting life I lead la la le la

Love

Happy Valentines

Polly pockets heart shaped home!

My dad got my niece Poppy a collection of polly pocket homes and he saved the exact same one I had as a child. I was way too happy than a 24 year old should be to receive this but I ain't your average adult. The only thing missing is Polly hereself so if anyone has any miniature dollies lying around y'know she has a home here...

Anyhoo! It was Valentines day and I have returned home and can you believe I couldn't get in my door. It was so incredibly hard with the amount of cards I received. Haha not really but least I can make a joke about it rather than feel all sorry for myself eh? Instead I had a date with Bob... bob the treadmill! Thats right I name cardio equipment at my gym... my other two fav running machines are Milly & Tom btw. 

Well I think I have scared my readers enough for one evening y'know being a crazy singleton will do that to a girl ;)

Stay tuned for my London update and results for the Sidcup 10 mile race coming your way very soon! Hope you all had a lovely day and I'm sending hugs and chocolate to all ♥ 

Love times a thousand

Spring has Sprung!

Firstly I am overwhelmed by all the lovely emails, comments and support I have received from my wonderful friends and readers. Thank you so much :)

Busy week as per usual y'know the usual swimming, ballet, studying, running, appointments, shopping and occasionally... sleeping! 

These are the lovely daffodils my mother bought me! They are very pretty aren't they? I am a little worried in case I jinx this but... its been dry for 4 days now! No snow, rain, sleet, general miserable weather! It is rather cold but I am enjoying this little spell of nicer weather. Is Spring now here? I hope so!

I have an early Spin class tomorrow so I am going to cut this short and fall into bed with my electric blanket. Bliss!

B