NYC: Five

Its taken me an age to get through these updates but this is the final one!
Above is the guggenheim and from what I hear the outside is better than inside so I don't feel too bad about spending all my money in the shops instead of traipsing round museums ;) perhaps I'll have a nosey next time I visit.

After mulling along museum mile I decided to go for a mini run through the park. It was more of a jog though because my backpack was rather heavy and I kept stopping for photographs. 

During my stay I got the chance to see the NYC marathon! I envied the runners and had to take a photo of the 25 mile mark. Imagine running all that way and hitting that banner! I bet its an amazing feeling and I am so inspired by all the people that can run a marathon. Admittedly I did apply to the ballot for the NYC marathon and didn't get a in because it was full.  Due to my health I probably wouldn't make it to the finish line and it was probably a blessing that I didn't get a place. Watching the runners and being part of the electric atmosphere albeit a by stander was great and has got me thinking that if I did take steps to a healthier place then one day I could utter the words 'I've ran a marathon'...

After my run I visited the Reebok swimming pool for a wonderful swim with views of the skyscrapers and a pool all to myself. Afterwards I went for a final look in the shops (of course) then headed back to the apartment for a frantic chuck everything and hope it fits in the suitcase dash. 

My case(s) were so heavy I ended up having to ask a kind gentleman help me to the main road where he hailed me a taxi for the airport. Stress was setting in as time was ticking and the traffic was gridlocked. I eventually made it to the airport and decided to skip the $5 charge for a trolley as I was determined to carry my cases to the check in desk which was only a couple of feet away. Bad move as I got halfway there and my arms felt like they were going to pop off and a lovely american BA attendent was saying 'go on girl you can do it! Not far now'. Combo of stress, tiredness and someone being so kind forced me to drop my bags and burst into tears... how embarrassing! British airways took pity on me and got me a free trolley and helped me check in.  Through customs, two flight changes later, some light snoozing, a starbucks coffee stop in Manchester terminal and I made it back to cold rainy Glasgow. 

Overall the trip was amazing and NYC is super ! 

As much as it was a fantastic experience it wasn't without its glitches (the airport is just an example). I struggled a lot what with being alone and the fact I'm still not in a particularly great place. Some days went by where the only people I spoke to were shop attendants and my gym obsession didn't disappear either. I felt really upset about not having a usual 'routine' and although it was supposed to be a break. I came back more exhausted than before I left which really I can't afford to let happen as the hospital admission two weeks prior proved that I needed to kick back not over exert. I did learn that my life would be so much simpler and enjoyable if I just let go of my eating disordered ways. I wish it was as easy to just say goodbye and move on with my life but it really is mind consuming and does still have a tight grip of me. The fact I realised that things would be better without the burden of this illness is maybe a glittering hope that I will eventually move on and be able to go somewhere amazing like NYC and fully enjoy the experience without constantly worrying and heartaching over food choices and exercise schedules. Right now its still something I am dealing with and trying to unpick one day at a time which must be frustrating for everyone that knows me. I talk the talk and don't walk the walk which is unfair on those close to me and I'm annoyed at myself for not being able to just magically reinvent my irrational ways. If only it were so easy eh?

Anyway NYC if you haven't been... GO if you have the chance as it really is the trip of a lifetime. If you live there I'm insanely jealous and we should perhaps discuss a home swap ;)

Farewell New York City! 

I'll miss you.