In general I feel really demotivated and can't really be bothered with anything or anyone. Its nothing personal but I have that blah feeling. Enter lazy girls salad from Marks and Sparkles...
I have a lot going on and I am on the slippery slide which frustrates me & everyone around me. My ED thoughts are really overwhelming and I just want to hide away. I am not challenging the negative thoughts as much as I should be. I know what I need to do so why can't I just get on and do it?! I guess that is part of vicious cycle that keeps trapping me in the illness. I find little things that others find so simple incredibly hard and I am in a constant state of worry. An example is eating in front of others... (minus my family) I know people think because you have anorexia you do not eat anything which is not true cause lets face it don't eat... you die. Yet I find myself out and about and not allowing myself anything even when I feel like hell in case someone sees me or worse says something (good or bad). Its ridiculous and something I should probably work on but it seems like the impossible and obviously I can't control other peoples thoughts or actions so I feel its best to avoid it all together. Its a little typical of me... running away and burying my head in the sand. I don't really know where I am going with this so I reckon its time to move on...
Decorating nightmare continues!
The plaster work is finally complete! Now all I have to do is get emulsion on the walls followed by operation clean up. Its tough doing it alone so my Dad is going to help out next week and hopefully by July I will have a kitschy cute castle that I can call home :)
Yeah. I don't have a lot else to say! If any of you have bloggy suggestions feel free to ship them my way as I am really blank just now.