Sunday, 24 July 2011

Hello Sunshine


Cous Cous mix with a sneaky pepsi max

I headed to London last week with Darcy (more on this later) for my grandmothers funeral which was in Maidstone.

Such a quaint lovely place to visit and where I was born!

God bless M&S bargains! 10p! 10p! 10p!

I arrived at my dads new bungalow on the Sunday  and got up bright and early on the Monday for my free 5 day membership at LA fitness to get my fix. 

Tuesday was the day of my Grandmothers funeral which was a very sad obviously but it was a lovely service and she would of been so happy that all the family were together. I miss her and she will never be forgotten ♥

Darcy came with me on the train because as I mentioned before he was having a lot of problems living in my little flat. He had became increasingly unhappy and was continually trying to get outside which would be fine if I didn't live in the middle of a City. The problems were getting worse and he was cooped up and miserable being an indoor kitty. My older sister offered to take care of him as she lives in the country and has a garden. As much as it broke my heart I realised what I wanted and what he needed were two very different things. It was evident from when he arrived he was miles happier and I had made the right decision for him. My niece Poppy utterly adores him and he is getting plenty of attention and I still see him but right now there is a huge darcy shaped hole in my life (i'm crying writing this) as I miss him a heck of a lot. A huge thank you to Freya for her support and reassurance as she helped put things in perspective and her kindness made me feel much better.

There was a lot of sadness and hard times but it was nice to see my family and spend time with Dad and my sisters. Also I got chance to have a short trip to London and swing by... Whole foods!

I lack in funds so I only got myself a fruit salad from the bar, some pistatio nut butter (gross btw) and a raw chocolate brownie.

I am now back in Glasgow and good news is my cellulitis cleared up but has since flared up on my other foot but luckily no where near as bad as I caught it before it had chance to floor me again. I am having a bit of an off week if I'm being honest and I've hesitated posting because I was hoping there would be a shift in my mood. However I am on a low, avoiding talking to people not because I'm mean but I just don't have anything to really say! and my opinon of myself right now is the worst its been for a long while. I am struggling with my body image and although people have said I haven't I feel like I've gained lots of weight and thoughts of cutting food, boosting exercise and going crazy have regularly been on my mind. I don't really know what to do as despite not being as thin as I once was I still feel really entrenched in ED ways and it worries my that it will never leave me. I try to shift the focus but I just feel trapped and feel like the only way to get better is to get worse which is stupid I know. I just had to get that out there because I don't really know what to do. Nobody can change how I feel about myself but surely there must be some let up where I don't take every comment to heart and just feel weighed down constantly.

This weeks plans

Book train for London (sisters wedding in August!!!)
Half marathon training
See my mamabear
Book work
Enjoy the beautiful sunshine


  1. Sorry you are having a rough time with things.

    My sister goes to London quite a bit with her job, and she always makes an effort to stop by the Whole Foods there. I hear it's quite a sight!


  2. Are those raw brownies any good? x

  3. Oh bless you Bee, it must be so difficult! I can't imagine how hard it must be to try and change when every instinct is telling you not to. I know that you can leave your ED ways, you really can. You are fab!

    And I sorry to hear about Darcy but hope he's enjoying his new kitty adventure playground!
    Mmmm, where is Wholefoods, must visit must visit?