I have a few important decisions to make after my latest appointment... basically I have been advised to go in patient again as my exercise regime is slightly out of control & my intake hasn't increased. I don't want to leave my surroundings and my cat so I really think I need to use this to be a bit more open about how things really are.
I pay way too much attention to what people say and take things to heart like a total baba. The most recent ones on my appearance have greatly upset me and feel like I am being judged or something? Having maintained a low weight for a while I guess people are used to seeing me therefore I am petrified to gain weight in fear of what people will say or think I'm a terrible person for giving in. It sounds ridiculous but I feel like I'd be failing and I would hate to be a failure. My eating disorder and exercise addiction has completely consumed my life and isn't healthy by any standard. Yet I feel like I'm not as bad as other people with the same/similar problem and don't need the help and eventually it will be okay. I paste on my brave face, smile, blush and try to pretend that everything really isn't that difficult or hard. However inside I am struggling and feel so ambivalent about what I should do.
How does one deal with remarks on weight etc? looking 'well' is the one I find hardest to take on board which is silly but I'm being such a girl right now.
Photo happy cat meow posts soon